On the Honour of the Nuptial Bed.
The Apostle calls the nuptial bed immaculate, that is, free from every kind of impurity; and perhaps for this reason God willed to institute the first marriage in the earthly paradise, where there had as yet been no disorder of concupiscence.
Now, to explain to you the perfection which the Apostle requires of married persons in this matter, I shall use a fairly natural comparison—that of food and temperance. 1. Food is necessary for the preservation of life; and for this reason its use is good, wholesome, and commanded. 2. Yet to eat, not precisely for this end, but to fulfil the duties which human society obliges us to render to one another, is a just and honourable thing. 3. If one eats for the sake of one’s duties, it must be with a gentle freedom, and with signs that one takes pleasure in it. 4. To eat simply to satisfy one’s appetite is a thing that may be tolerated, but is by no means praiseworthy; for the mere pleasure of the sensual appetite cannot make an action honourable; and it is quite enough if it is tolerable. 5. To eat beyond one’s appetite and to excess is more or less blameworthy in proportion to the excess; and this excess consists not only in the quantity, but also in the manner. 6. It is a mark of a low, coarse, and altogether brutish soul to dwell so much upon meats and discourse upon them before the meal, and still more after it, as do many kinds of people who have their minds always on the dishes, who continually anticipate or recall the pleasure of good eating, and who, in a word, make their belly a god, as Saint Paul says; whereas honourable people think of the table only when they sit down to it, and wash their hands and mouth after the meal, so as to retain neither the taste nor the smell of the meats.
The Apostle calls the nuptial bed immaculate, that is, free from every kind of impurity; and perhaps for this reason God willed to institute the first marriage in the earthly paradise, where there had as yet been no disorder of concupiscence.
Now, to explain to you the perfection which the Apostle requires of married persons in this matter, I shall use a fairly natural comparison—that of food and temperance. 1. Food is necessary for the preservation of life; and for this reason its use is good, wholesome, and commanded. 2. Yet to eat, not precisely for this end, but to fulfil the duties which human society obliges us to render to one another, is a just and honourable thing. 3. If one eats for the sake of one’s duties, it must be with a gentle freedom, and with signs that one takes pleasure in it. 4. To eat simply to satisfy one’s appetite is a thing that may be tolerated, but is by no means praiseworthy; for the mere pleasure of the sensual appetite cannot make an action honourable; and it is quite enough if it is tolerable. 5. To eat beyond one’s appetite and to excess is more or less blameworthy in proportion to the excess; and this excess consists not only in the quantity, but also in the manner. 6. It is a mark of a low, coarse, and altogether brutish soul to dwell so much upon meats and discourse upon them before the meal, and still more after it, as do many kinds of people who have their minds always on the dishes, who continually anticipate or recall the pleasure of good eating, and who, in a word, make their belly a god, as Saint Paul says; whereas honourable people think of the table only when they sit down to it, and wash their hands and mouth after the meal, so as to retain neither the taste nor the smell of the meats.
These are the rules common to temperance and the honesty of the marriage bed.
1. Since the use of the rights of the sacrament is necessary for the propagation of human society, it is undoubtedly honest and praiseworthy, and especially holy in Christianity.
2. This use is called by the Apostle a mutual duty, a duty so great that, although it may not be demanded, one is under an indispensable obligation to render it; so that neither may fail therein without the free consent of the other: not even for the exercises of devotion, much less for capricious pretensions to virtue, for bitterness, or for contempt.
3. One must consider that it is not enough to discharge this duty in a sorrowful manner, and with indifferent patience: it must be with all the fidelity and full reciprocity that this love requires, as though it were accompanied by the hope of having children, even though, for some reason arising from the circumstances, one did not have that hope.
4. Here, as everywhere else, the mere satisfaction of the sensual appetite cannot by itself make a thing honest and praiseworthy; it is much if one says that it is tolerable.
1. Since the use of the rights of the sacrament is necessary for the propagation of human society, it is undoubtedly honest and praiseworthy, and especially holy in Christianity.
2. This use is called by the Apostle a mutual duty, a duty so great that, although it may not be demanded, one is under an indispensable obligation to render it; so that neither may fail therein without the free consent of the other: not even for the exercises of devotion, much less for capricious pretensions to virtue, for bitterness, or for contempt.
3. One must consider that it is not enough to discharge this duty in a sorrowful manner, and with indifferent patience: it must be with all the fidelity and full reciprocity that this love requires, as though it were accompanied by the hope of having children, even though, for some reason arising from the circumstances, one did not have that hope.
4. Here, as everywhere else, the mere satisfaction of the sensual appetite cannot by itself make a thing honest and praiseworthy; it is much if one says that it is tolerable.
5. However just the use of the rights of marriage may be, however necessary it may be deemed in human society, however holy it may be believed to be in Christianity, it bears dangers to salvation which must be avoided with the greatest care, lest one become guilty either of any venial sin, as happens in the mere excesses of this state, or of any mortal sin, as happens when the natural and necessary order for the procreation of children is reversed. Now, in this supposition, according as one departs more or less from this order, the sins are more or less execrable, but always mortal: for, since the propagation of human society is the first and chief end of marriage, one can never lawfully depart from the order it requires of you. Nevertheless, although this end cannot be achieved by reason of some impediment, such as sterility or pregnancy, the intercourse of conjugal love may still be just and holy, if one follows the rules required for the procreation of children: no accident being able ever to prejudice the law imposed by the principal end of marriage.
Indeed, the infamous and execrable deed of Onan against the laws of marriage was detestable before God, as Holy Scripture teaches us. And although certain heretics of our time, a hundred times more blameworthy than the Cynics of whom Saint Jerome speaks in his Epistle to the Ephesians, have wished to say that it was the perverse intent of that wicked man which displeased God; Scripture speaks otherwise, and expressly affirms that his very deed was detestable and abominable before God.
Indeed, the infamous and execrable deed of Onan against the laws of marriage was detestable before God, as Holy Scripture teaches us. And although certain heretics of our time, a hundred times more blameworthy than the Cynics of whom Saint Jerome speaks in his Epistle to the Ephesians, have wished to say that it was the perverse intent of that wicked man which displeased God; Scripture speaks otherwise, and expressly affirms that his very deed was detestable and abominable before God.
6. Natural and Christian honesty requires that one not allow one’s mind to become engrossed in all this sensual commerce, and that one even strive to purify it of this promptly, so that it may retain all the freedom necessary for the more honest and noble duties of this vocation. Indeed, one would be astonished at the examples of natural honesty that the Lord has given to men in certain animals, which will one day serve to confound the brutish coarseness of many people.
This counsel embraces the perfect practice of the excellence of the doctrine which Saint Paul teaches the Corinthians in these words: _the time is short: let those therefore who have wives live as though they had none._ For, according to the thought of Saint Gregory, to live in marriage as though one were not in it is to reconcile all that is natural in this state with all that is spiritual in Christianity. _Let those who use the world_, Saint Paul adds, _use it as though they used it not._ This is to say that all should use the world, each according to his vocation, but with so great a detachment from the world that one may preserve for the service of God as much freedom and fervour as if one did not use the world. Indeed, it is man’s great evil, says Saint Augustine, to wish to enjoy things which he ought only to use, and to wish only to use those things which he ought to enjoy with delight: this applies to everything that pertains to the senses and the mind. Thus, when this order is perverted and use is changed into enjoyment, the soul, spiritual though it be, becomes wholly animal.
This counsel embraces the perfect practice of the excellence of the doctrine which Saint Paul teaches the Corinthians in these words: _the time is short: let those therefore who have wives live as though they had none._ For, according to the thought of Saint Gregory, to live in marriage as though one were not in it is to reconcile all that is natural in this state with all that is spiritual in Christianity. _Let those who use the world_, Saint Paul adds, _use it as though they used it not._ This is to say that all should use the world, each according to his vocation, but with so great a detachment from the world that one may preserve for the service of God as much freedom and fervour as if one did not use the world. Indeed, it is man’s great evil, says Saint Augustine, to wish to enjoy things which he ought only to use, and to wish only to use those things which he ought to enjoy with delight: this applies to everything that pertains to the senses and the mind. Thus, when this order is perverted and use is changed into enjoyment, the soul, spiritual though it be, becomes wholly animal.
I believe I have said all that I wished to say, and made understood without saying it what I did not wish to say.