Advice for Widows.
Saint Paul instructs all prelates in the person of his dear Timothy, when he says to him: _Honour widows who are widows indeed._ Now, several things are required in order to be a widow indeed.
Saint Paul instructs all prelates in the person of his dear Timothy, when he says to him: _Honour widows who are widows indeed._ Now, several things are required in order to be a widow indeed.
1. The widow must be a widow in heart, that is, she must be resolved, with an inviolable resolve, to preserve herself in the state of chaste and perpetual widowhood; for widows who are so only while awaiting an opportunity to marry again already have their whole heart in marriage. But if the true widow, to confirm herself in the state of widowhood, wishes to consecrate herself to God by a vow of chastity, she will add a great adornment to her widowhood, and place her holy resolve in great security; for, seeing that by her vow it is no longer in her power to leave the state of widowhood without leaving Paradise, she will be so jealous of her purpose that she will not allow even the simplest thoughts of marriage to linger for an instant in her mind; and thus this vow will set, as it were, an insurmountable barrier between her soul and every kind of design contrary to her resolve. Saint Augustine strongly counsels this vow to the Christian widow; and the ancient and learned Origen goes much further, for he counsels it even to married women, for the time when they may become widows; so that, he says, amid the obligations of marriage, they may possess, as it were in anticipation, all the merit of a holy widowhood. It is certain that the vow brings great advantages: it renders the works that follow from it far more pleasing to God; it strengthens the courage to perform them, and it gives to God not only the works that are, as it were, the fruits of our will, but also the will itself, which is, as it were, the tree and stem of our actions. By simple chastity we subject our bodies to the Spirit of God, without depriving ourselves of the freedom to dispose of them for the bonds of marriage; but by the vow of chastity we give ourselves to Him absolutely and irrevocably, reserving no power to recant, and thus making ourselves the happy slaves of Him whose service is worth more than all royalty. Now, as I greatly approve the thought of those two great men whom I mentioned above, I would also wish that the souls who are so happy as to desire to follow their counsel should do so prudently, holily, and safely, after carefully considering their own strength, invoking heavenly inspiration, and seeking the counsel of some wise and pious director; for in this way all will be done with greater fruitfulness.
2. Moreover, this renunciation of a second marriage must be made purely and simply, with the intention of centring all her affections in God, and of uniting herself to Him more perfectly; for if the desire to leave more of her fortune to her children, or some other worldly motive, determine the widow to remain a widow, she may perhaps earn praise for it; but certainly not before God, since before God nothing is truly worthy of praise save what is done for Him.
3. The widow must also, in order to be truly a widow, voluntarily withdraw from and deprive herself of worldly amusements. “The widow that liveth in pleasures,” says Saint Paul, “is dead while she liveth.” To wish to be a widow, and yet to take pleasure in being courted, flattered, sought after; to wish to be present at balls, dances, and feasts; to wish to be adorned, perfumed, and fashionably dressed, is to be a widow alive in body, but dead in soul. What does it matter, I pray you, whether the sign of the dwelling-place of profane love be made of white plumes raised like a crest, or of black crape spread like a net all around the face? Do we not even know that black is often but a new artifice and a fresh device of vanity, to set off the natural fairness and beauty of the complexion? An artifice all the more dangerous, since the widow has experience of all the means women have of pleasing men and seducing them by charming their eyes. She, then, who lives in these foolish pleasures is not alive; she is dead, and is, properly speaking, but an idol of widowhood.
3. The widow must also, in order to be truly a widow, voluntarily withdraw from and deprive herself of worldly amusements. “The widow that liveth in pleasures,” says Saint Paul, “is dead while she liveth.” To wish to be a widow, and yet to take pleasure in being courted, flattered, sought after; to wish to be present at balls, dances, and feasts; to wish to be adorned, perfumed, and fashionably dressed, is to be a widow alive in body, but dead in soul. What does it matter, I pray you, whether the sign of the dwelling-place of profane love be made of white plumes raised like a crest, or of black crape spread like a net all around the face? Do we not even know that black is often but a new artifice and a fresh device of vanity, to set off the natural fairness and beauty of the complexion? An artifice all the more dangerous, since the widow has experience of all the means women have of pleasing men and seducing them by charming their eyes. She, then, who lives in these foolish pleasures is not alive; she is dead, and is, properly speaking, but an idol of widowhood.
_The time is come to prune the trees_, saith the Canticle, _the voice of the turtle-dove is heard in our land._ These words show us that if the cutting away of worldly superfluities is needful for whosoever would live piously, it is especially so for the true widow, who, like a chaste turtle-dove, weeps and mourns for the loss of her husband. When Noëmi returned from Moab to Bethlehem, the women of the city who had known her at the beginning of her marriage said one to another: _Is not this Noëmi?_ But she answered: _Call me not, I pray you, Noëmi; for Noëmi meaneth gracious and fair: but call me Mara, for the Lord hath filled my soul with bitterness._ This she said because she had lost her husband. So the Christian widow never wishes to be called either fair or gracious; but is content to be what God willeth her to be, that is to say, humble and abject in her own eyes.
Lamps whose oil is fragrant give forth a sweeter scent when their flames are extinguished; even so widows whose hearts have been pure during marriage shed a greater perfume of virtue and chastity when their light, that is, their husband, is extinguished by death. To love a husband while he is alive is a thing fairly common among women; but to love him so much that after his death one will have no other, is a degree of fidelity belonging only to true widows. To hope in God while one’s husband serves as a support is no very rare thing; but to hope in God when deprived of that support is an act truly worthy of great praise. Wherefore the perfection of the virtues one possessed during marriage is more readily recognized in widowhood.
Lamps whose oil is fragrant give forth a sweeter scent when their flames are extinguished; even so widows whose hearts have been pure during marriage shed a greater perfume of virtue and chastity when their light, that is, their husband, is extinguished by death. To love a husband while he is alive is a thing fairly common among women; but to love him so much that after his death one will have no other, is a degree of fidelity belonging only to true widows. To hope in God while one’s husband serves as a support is no very rare thing; but to hope in God when deprived of that support is an act truly worthy of great praise. Wherefore the perfection of the virtues one possessed during marriage is more readily recognized in widowhood.
The widow who is needed by her children, chiefly in what concerns their souls and their good education, must in no wise abandon them; for the Apostle Saint Paul clearly says that they are bound to this care in requital for the care they received from their fathers and mothers; since if anyone care not for his own, and especially for those of his household, he is worse than an infidel. But if the children are able to conduct themselves, the widow must then gather all her affections and all her thoughts, to apply them more perfectly to her advancement in the love of God. Unless, therefore, some compelling necessity oblige the true widow in conscience to involve herself in outward entanglements, such as lawsuits, I counsel her to abstain from them altogether, and always to prefer, in the conduct of her affairs, the most peaceful and tranquil course, even though it may not seem the most advantageous; for the fruits of these wearisome cares must needs be very great to compare with the good of holy tranquillity. Add to this that lawsuits and other such disputes disturb the heart and often open the door to the enemies of salvation, while, in order to please those whom one believes oneself to need, one is led into a thousand ways that are unbecoming and greatly displeasing to God.
Prayer must be the widow’s continual exercise; and since she must have no love but for God, she ought likewise to have almost no words but for God; and as iron, which a diamond prevents from attaching itself to the magnet, darts toward that magnet as soon as the diamond is removed, so the heart of the widow, which could not dart toward God, nor follow the attractions of divine love during her husband’s life, must, immediately after his death, run eagerly to the fragrance of heavenly perfumes, and say, like the sacred spouse: O Lord! now that I am wholly my own, receive me, that I may be wholly Thine; draw me after Thee, and I will run to the fragrance of Thy perfumes.
The virtues proper to the Christian widow are perfect modesty, renunciation of honors, ranks, assemblies, titles, and other vanities of this kind; service to the poor and the sick; consolation of the afflicted; zeal in instructing girls in devotion, and in being a perfect model of every virtue to young women. Necessity and simplicity must be the two ornaments of their attire; humility and charity, the two ornaments of their actions; honesty and goodness, the two ornaments of their words; modesty and reserve, the two ornaments of their eyes; and Jesus Christ crucified, the sole love of their heart.
The virtues proper to the Christian widow are perfect modesty, renunciation of honors, ranks, assemblies, titles, and other vanities of this kind; service to the poor and the sick; consolation of the afflicted; zeal in instructing girls in devotion, and in being a perfect model of every virtue to young women. Necessity and simplicity must be the two ornaments of their attire; humility and charity, the two ornaments of their actions; honesty and goodness, the two ornaments of their words; modesty and reserve, the two ornaments of their eyes; and Jesus Christ crucified, the sole love of their heart.
In short, the true widow is in the Church a little violet of March, which perfumes the air with a delicious fragrance through the charm of her devotion, and which is almost always hidden beneath the broad leaves of her lowliness. Its subdued color is the emblem of mortification; it grows in cool and solitary places—that is, it shuns the company of worldly people, so as better to preserve the freshness of her heart against all the ardors that the desire for riches, honors, and pleasures might bring upon it. _She shall be blessed_, says the holy Apostle, _if she persevere in this state._
I would have many other things to say on this subject; but I shall have said all when I have told the Christian widow who is truly zealous for her perfection to read attentively the beautiful epistles of Saint Jerome to Furia and Salvia, and to all the other ladies who were so fortunate as to be the spiritual daughters of so good a father; for nothing can be added to what he says to them, save this warning: that the true widow must never blame or despise those who enter into second, or even third or fourth marriages; for in certain cases God so ordains it for His greater glory; and we must always keep before our eyes this doctrine of the ancients, that neither widowhood nor virginity has any rank in Heaven except that which humility assigns to it.
I would have many other things to say on this subject; but I shall have said all when I have told the Christian widow who is truly zealous for her perfection to read attentively the beautiful epistles of Saint Jerome to Furia and Salvia, and to all the other ladies who were so fortunate as to be the spiritual daughters of so good a father; for nothing can be added to what he says to them, save this warning: that the true widow must never blame or despise those who enter into second, or even third or fourth marriages; for in certain cases God so ordains it for His greater glory; and we must always keep before our eyes this doctrine of the ancients, that neither widowhood nor virginity has any rank in Heaven except that which humility assigns to it.