Advice and Remedies against Evil Friendships.
But what remedy is there against all this brood of foolish and evil friendships? As soon as you feel their first assaults, quickly turn your heart away, and, with an utter abhorrence of this vanity, run to the Cross of the Savior, and take His crown of thorns to encircle your heart, so that these little foxes may not come near it. Be very careful not to come to any terms with this enemy; do not say: I will listen to him, but I will do nothing that he tells me; I will lend him my ear, but refuse him my heart. O my Philothea! for God’s sake, be unyielding on such occasions: the heart and the ear are bound to one another; and just as it is impossible to stop a torrent that has begun its descent down the slope of a mountain, so it is very difficult to prevent the poison that has entered the ear from at once falling to the depths of the heart. Goats, according to Alcmæon, breathe through their ears and not through their nostrils; Aristotle indeed denies this; but, whatever the case, I know very well that our heart has this property, and that, as it breathes its thoughts in and out through the tongue, so it breathes through the ear, by which it receives the thoughts of others. Let us therefore carefully guard our ears against the air of foolish words; for otherwise our heart will at once be infected by them. And if one takes pleasure in listening to them and speaking of them, O God! Philothea, how greatly ought one to fear the heart’s imminent ruin! Mary, at the sight of the angel who comes to greet her, is troubled, because she is alone and hears his praises from the mouth of the heavenly messenger. O Savior of the world! purity fears an angel in human form, and we, who are frailty itself, would not be alarmed at the voice of a man, even if he had the form of an angel, when he gives us excessive and coarse praise! Do not hesitate, Philothea; promptly repulse all such words. In such a case, one must not fear to seem uncivil and crabbed.
But what remedy is there against all this brood of foolish and evil friendships? As soon as you feel their first assaults, quickly turn your heart away, and, with an utter abhorrence of this vanity, run to the Cross of the Savior, and take His crown of thorns to encircle your heart, so that these little foxes may not come near it. Be very careful not to come to any terms with this enemy; do not say: I will listen to him, but I will do nothing that he tells me; I will lend him my ear, but refuse him my heart. O my Philothea! for God’s sake, be unyielding on such occasions: the heart and the ear are bound to one another; and just as it is impossible to stop a torrent that has begun its descent down the slope of a mountain, so it is very difficult to prevent the poison that has entered the ear from at once falling to the depths of the heart. Goats, according to Alcmæon, breathe through their ears and not through their nostrils; Aristotle indeed denies this; but, whatever the case, I know very well that our heart has this property, and that, as it breathes its thoughts in and out through the tongue, so it breathes through the ear, by which it receives the thoughts of others. Let us therefore carefully guard our ears against the air of foolish words; for otherwise our heart will at once be infected by them. And if one takes pleasure in listening to them and speaking of them, O God! Philothea, how greatly ought one to fear the heart’s imminent ruin! Mary, at the sight of the angel who comes to greet her, is troubled, because she is alone and hears his praises from the mouth of the heavenly messenger. O Savior of the world! purity fears an angel in human form, and we, who are frailty itself, would not be alarmed at the voice of a man, even if he had the form of an angel, when he gives us excessive and coarse praise! Do not hesitate, Philothea; promptly repulse all such words. In such a case, one must not fear to seem uncivil and crabbed.
Remember that Thou hast given thy heart to God, and that, its love being consecrated to Him, it would be sacrilege to steal away the least part of it from Him. Rather sacrifice it anew to Him by a thousand resolutions and protestations, and, standing there like a hart in its stronghold, claim the help of God; He will succour Thee, and His love, taking Thine under its protection, will make it live for Him alone.
But if thou art already bound in the fetters of these foolish friendships, alas! Philothea, I confess that the difficulty is great. Nevertheless, take courage. Prostrate Thyself before the divine Majesty: acknowledge in His presence the excess of thy misery, thy weakness, and Thy vanity: then, with the greatest effort of heart that Thou canst make, detest these friendships thou hast begun, abjure all the tokens thou hast given of them, renounce all the promises thou mayest have accepted, and with a strong and courageous will resolve in thy heart never again to enter into such engagements.
If Thou couldst remove Thyself elsewhere, I should greatly approve it; for change of place serves much to quiet such disturbances, as it serves to ease pain. It was for this reason that Saint Augustine left Tagaste, where his friend had died, and went to Carthage, in the hope that distance would somewhat lessen his grief.
But if thou art already bound in the fetters of these foolish friendships, alas! Philothea, I confess that the difficulty is great. Nevertheless, take courage. Prostrate Thyself before the divine Majesty: acknowledge in His presence the excess of thy misery, thy weakness, and Thy vanity: then, with the greatest effort of heart that Thou canst make, detest these friendships thou hast begun, abjure all the tokens thou hast given of them, renounce all the promises thou mayest have accepted, and with a strong and courageous will resolve in thy heart never again to enter into such engagements.
If Thou couldst remove Thyself elsewhere, I should greatly approve it; for change of place serves much to quiet such disturbances, as it serves to ease pain. It was for this reason that Saint Augustine left Tagaste, where his friend had died, and went to Carthage, in the hope that distance would somewhat lessen his grief.
But if one cannot withdraw, what must one do? One must absolutely put an end to all private conversation, all assiduity, all vain displays, and generally everything that could maintain this evil friendship. I cry aloud to whoever has fallen into this snare: Hew, cut, break: one must not waste time unpicking these foolish friendships, but tear them apart; one must not untie their bonds, but break or cut them; for their cords and bonds are worth nothing anyway. One must not spare a love so contrary to the love of God.
But, you will say, after I have thus shaken off the yoke of this friendship, will some feeling of it not still remain, and will the mark of my chains not remain imprinted forever upon my feet, that is, upon my affections? No, Philothea, if you have conceived all the sorrow your fault deserves. For if so, you will feel nothing but horror for such attachments, and you will be free from every affection except that of a most pure charity for God. But if, through the imperfection of your repentance, some evil inclination still remains, take the following steps: procure for your soul a mental solitude, in accordance with what I have taught you on this subject; withdraw into it as much as you can; and, by a thousand outpourings of your heart, renounce all your inclinations and disavow them with all your might; read good books more than usual; go to confession more often than is customary, and also receive Communion more frequently. Finally, humbly and frankly disclose all your temptations to your director, if you can, or at least to some prudent and discreet person; and do not doubt that, by faithfully persevering in these exercises, God will deliver you from all your miseries.
But, you will say, after I have thus shaken off the yoke of this friendship, will some feeling of it not still remain, and will the mark of my chains not remain imprinted forever upon my feet, that is, upon my affections? No, Philothea, if you have conceived all the sorrow your fault deserves. For if so, you will feel nothing but horror for such attachments, and you will be free from every affection except that of a most pure charity for God. But if, through the imperfection of your repentance, some evil inclination still remains, take the following steps: procure for your soul a mental solitude, in accordance with what I have taught you on this subject; withdraw into it as much as you can; and, by a thousand outpourings of your heart, renounce all your inclinations and disavow them with all your might; read good books more than usual; go to confession more often than is customary, and also receive Communion more frequently. Finally, humbly and frankly disclose all your temptations to your director, if you can, or at least to some prudent and discreet person; and do not doubt that, by faithfully persevering in these exercises, God will deliver you from all your miseries.
But, you will say to me again, will it not be an act of ingratitude to break off a friendship so abruptly? Oh! how blessed is the ingratitude which makes us pleasing to God! No, I assure you, Philothea, it will not be an act of ingratitude, but a great service that you will render your friend. For, in breaking your bonds, you will break his, since they were shared by you both; and although for the moment he may not feel his happiness, he will soon afterwards acknowledge it, and sing with you this fair canticle of thanksgiving: _O Lord! Thou hast broken my bonds; I will offer Thee a sacrifice of praise, and call upon Thy holy name._