On Gentleness toward Ourselves.
One of the best uses we can make of gentleness is to apply it to ourselves. Let us never be vexed with ourselves, nor with our imperfections; for although reason requires that, when we commit faults, we should be contrite and displeased, yet we must avoid feeling a bitter, sorrowful, vexed, and violent grief for them. In this many people err, who, having grown angry, grow angry with themselves for having grown angry, grieve because they have grieved, and are vexed because they have been vexed. Thus they keep their hearts ever swollen and steeped in anger; and the second anger, though it seems to put an end to the first, nevertheless serves as an opening and passage for all the others that may arise. Add to this that such anger and bitterness against oneself tend toward pride, and spring from no other source than self-love, whereby we are troubled and distressed at seeing ourselves imperfect. We must therefore feel displeasure at our faults; but it must be a calm, peaceful, and steadfast displeasure: for just as a judge, when he gives sentence reasonably and coolly, punishes the wicked far better than if he acted in haste and passion, since, in judging passionately, he punishes faults not according to what they are, but according to what he himself is; so we punish ourselves far better by a calm and constant repentance than by reproaches full of bitterness and anger, since such violent reproaches are made not according to the gravity of our faults, but according to our own inclinations. For example, one who is devoted to chastity will be vexed with unparalleled bitterness over the slightest fault he commits against that virtue, while he will do no more than laugh at some great slander he has uttered; on the contrary, one who hates slander will torment himself over a slight word that has escaped him, and take no account of a great fault committed against chastity; and so with the rest. Now, whence does this come? From this: that one forms the judgment of one’s conscience not by reason, but by passion.
One of the best uses we can make of gentleness is to apply it to ourselves. Let us never be vexed with ourselves, nor with our imperfections; for although reason requires that, when we commit faults, we should be contrite and displeased, yet we must avoid feeling a bitter, sorrowful, vexed, and violent grief for them. In this many people err, who, having grown angry, grow angry with themselves for having grown angry, grieve because they have grieved, and are vexed because they have been vexed. Thus they keep their hearts ever swollen and steeped in anger; and the second anger, though it seems to put an end to the first, nevertheless serves as an opening and passage for all the others that may arise. Add to this that such anger and bitterness against oneself tend toward pride, and spring from no other source than self-love, whereby we are troubled and distressed at seeing ourselves imperfect. We must therefore feel displeasure at our faults; but it must be a calm, peaceful, and steadfast displeasure: for just as a judge, when he gives sentence reasonably and coolly, punishes the wicked far better than if he acted in haste and passion, since, in judging passionately, he punishes faults not according to what they are, but according to what he himself is; so we punish ourselves far better by a calm and constant repentance than by reproaches full of bitterness and anger, since such violent reproaches are made not according to the gravity of our faults, but according to our own inclinations. For example, one who is devoted to chastity will be vexed with unparalleled bitterness over the slightest fault he commits against that virtue, while he will do no more than laugh at some great slander he has uttered; on the contrary, one who hates slander will torment himself over a slight word that has escaped him, and take no account of a great fault committed against chastity; and so with the rest. Now, whence does this come? From this: that one forms the judgment of one’s conscience not by reason, but by passion.
Believe me, Philothea, as the admonitions of a father, given gently and lovingly, have far greater power to correct a child than anger and wrath, so when our heart has committed some fault, if we reprove it with gentle and tranquil admonitions, having more compassion for it than passion against it, and encouraging it to do better in future, the regret it will feel will enter far more deeply and pierce it far more surely than would an angry, insulting, and violent correction.
For my part, if I had, for example, resolved not to fall into vanity, and yet had fallen into it with a great fall, I would not reprove my heart in this manner: Art thou not wretched and abominable, after so many resolutions, to have let thyself be carried away by vanity? Die of shame; lift thine eyes no more to Heaven, blind creature that thou art, shameless, traitor, disloyal to thy God! and other such things. But I would correct it reasonably and with compassion: Well, my poor heart, here we are fallen into the pit we had so firmly resolved to avoid! Ah! let us rise again, and come out of it for ever; let us implore the mercy of God, and hope that He will assist us, so that henceforth we may be more steadfast. Let us return to the path of humility. Courage! Let us now be on our guard: God will help us; we shall do something good. Upon this I would build a good and firm resolution not to fall again into my fault, taking for this purpose the proper means, and above all, the advice of my director.
For my part, if I had, for example, resolved not to fall into vanity, and yet had fallen into it with a great fall, I would not reprove my heart in this manner: Art thou not wretched and abominable, after so many resolutions, to have let thyself be carried away by vanity? Die of shame; lift thine eyes no more to Heaven, blind creature that thou art, shameless, traitor, disloyal to thy God! and other such things. But I would correct it reasonably and with compassion: Well, my poor heart, here we are fallen into the pit we had so firmly resolved to avoid! Ah! let us rise again, and come out of it for ever; let us implore the mercy of God, and hope that He will assist us, so that henceforth we may be more steadfast. Let us return to the path of humility. Courage! Let us now be on our guard: God will help us; we shall do something good. Upon this I would build a good and firm resolution not to fall again into my fault, taking for this purpose the proper means, and above all, the advice of my director.
But if, nevertheless, anyone finds that his heart cannot be sufficiently moved by this gentle correction, he may employ reproof, and a stern and strong rebuke to stir it to profound confusion; provided that, after having sharply chided and corrected his heart, he comfort it somewhat by ending all its regrets with a gentle and holy confidence in God, in imitation of that great penitent who, seeing his soul afflicted, raised it up in this wise: _Why art Thou sad, O my soul! and why dost Thou trouble me? Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him, who is the salvation and the light of my countenance and my true God._
Raise up your heart, then, whenever it falls, very gently, humbling yourself greatly before God through the experience of your misery, without in any way being astonished at your fall, since it is no wonder that infirmity should be infirm, weakness weak, and misery wretched. Nevertheless, detest with all your strength the offense God has received from you, and with great courage and firm confidence in His mercy, set yourself again upon the path of virtue that you had forsaken.
Raise up your heart, then, whenever it falls, very gently, humbling yourself greatly before God through the experience of your misery, without in any way being astonished at your fall, since it is no wonder that infirmity should be infirm, weakness weak, and misery wretched. Nevertheless, detest with all your strength the offense God has received from you, and with great courage and firm confidence in His mercy, set yourself again upon the path of virtue that you had forsaken.